From the Department of Health and the Best Communications Team in the Solar System:
“Nanlaban” (Scientific Name: Pusherus wagtularani) is a virus responsible for more than 3,000 fatalities in less than two months, or 75% of all viral-related deaths in the said span of time. The DOH advises people to stay away from cardboard and packaging tape, which have been identified as possible sources of the virus, for their safety.
The DOH’s close-up examination of the Nanlaban virus was made possible by equipment developed by the DOST. Secretary Andanar and ASec. Qualoping spent the whole morning thinking of its possible resemblance to a certain Philippine politician, but still had no clue who it was.
Here is a higher-definition image of the virus: